Social media etiquette

In the last few weeks I have witnessed a couple of occasions when people who have been asked for “friendship” on social media sites have reacted aggressively.

In one instance a woman on LinkedIn asked for reassurance when someone she had tried to connect with rebuffed her approach and told her not to “misuse” the system. Unsurprisingly she received a lot of support and sympathy from other members.

And then, more recently, I read a vigorous discussion in the Association of Internet Researchers (AoIR) about the rights and wrongs of someone on the list asking another member for friend status on Facebook. In this case the reactions were far more mixed with as many people decrying this as an intrusion as supporting the attempt at building a network.

So who’s right? What is the etiquette here?

In LinkedIn it seems perfectly in order to ask to connect with someone who is a member of the same professional group that you are a member of. Surely that is what online networking is about.

It’s like being at a party or a business networking event: you may not know someone there but you talk to them because you have friends or colleagues in common. And if the person you approach doesn’t want to connect with you all they have to do is say “no”. There is no need to shout and scream about “misusing” the party!

But is Facebook any different? Well, I suppose Facebook is often more closely aligned to friendships in the physical world. But not always.

Increasingly Facebook is used to set up interest groups (in a similar way to Ning, I guess.) And in the case I am talking about the “victim/criminal” was using Facebook to promote a professional grouping on Ning. So it seems perfectly reasonable for him to get in touch with people asking them to “friend” him and join his new group. And again, if people don’t want to connect, all they need to do is say “no”. (I also got an invitation, which I accepted even though I have never met him.)

My conclusions?

First there are plenty of plonkers in the world and if you ever raise your head above the online parapet you should do so in the expectation that one of them may well have a pop at you. So make sure that your skin is at least reasonably thick.

And second, if you are approached by someone you don’t know, and don’t want to know, in a social networking environment, just say “no thanks” politely. To respond to a social invitation with rudeness implies that you are either bizarrely terrified of other people or massively puffed up with your own importance. Neither says much about you.

Jeremy Swinfen Green
Digital Director